Losing a baby changes your perspective on pretty much everything. Someone mailed us this card the other day. Now, with a new perspective, I see something very different in this picture. Because grief. . What is grief? How would you define it? Is it an event? A mental illness? A heartache? A wound? A suitcase? A journey? Is it depression? Is it like the waves of the ocean? Anxiety? Depression? A big black hole? Ive heard it described as all of these. And maybe it is. . But what if grief looked like love? Your love for one person in your life is different than your love for any other person. Love can be built over a long period of time, love can come rapidly. Love can look like passion, commitment, trust or joy. Love can also look like sadness and heartache. You can love a small child or even a brokenhearted grown up who doesn’t love you back. You can love someone differently than they love you. Similar things can be said about grief. . The grief you have for one person looks different than you’d have for another reflective of that relationship with all its joys and sorrows, hopes, dreams, disappointments and experiences. Grief can look like sadness, tears, exhaustion but also hopefulness and joy. You can grieve cherished memories of someone you’ve known all your life and you can grieve the loss of a life you will never get to experience this side of heaven. I see grief when I’m passing by the baby aisle at Target. It was there as we hung our stocking this year and sometimes as I put my boys into their carseats, the rear passenger seat was supposed to be hers. Grief is there when I’m trying my hardest to put on a happy face and chat with my girlfriends about sleep regression in two year olds but grief steals my mind away to the two year old I’ll never know. . I’m five months into this grief journey but I imagine as time passes by we uncover more layers to grief. I wonder if a day will come when I see a group of ten year old girls and smile to myself, wondering if my girl would be into ballet, unicorns or ice hockey. Maybe its not true for everyone, but for me grief will always be there. As long as love remains, grief remains. . I miss you baby. Happy five months
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